Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Even my vagina gasped.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
