she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
