I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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