we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
