I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
