I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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