I'm so fucking centered right now
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
