i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
