did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
