girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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