I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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