I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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