I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I know her cup size but not her name....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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