Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
