Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
