And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
