"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
