are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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