she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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