I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
