that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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