I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
