Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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