Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
