I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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