I just saw a hot homeless man
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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