Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
