Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
