I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I want is dick and wine.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
