First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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