I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
