3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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