You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
