I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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