ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
