it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
