please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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