you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
