Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
