I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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