Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
