Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
