Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
