My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
