After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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