OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
