I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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