The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
