They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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