god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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