I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
MIDGETS
????
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
