Betty ford says i'm here all night
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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